Beberapa hari yang lalu saya mengadu kalau saya sedang *ehem* patah hati

Saya bilang kayak ada yang ngganjel. Nyesek. Sakit

Tapi belakangan, beban itu hilang

Saya udah nemu solusinya

Solusinya cuma satu

Merelakan.

Udah, itu aja.

***

Kayak ada yang ngganjel

Nggak paham deh itu apa

Tapi kayaknya sih bakal lama

Soalnya sakit

Banget

Kalau diibaratkan sih, kayak asupan oksigen
di dunia itu terbatas dan
saya harus ngirit supaya bisa
bertahan hidup

Berhasil sih

Tapi nyesek

Ngganjel

Sakit


Ada yang tau obatnya, atau mungkin....solusinya?

***

A friend once told me
if he's gone, he's
not the best
if he's gone, he
doesn't worth to be
loved

Well, I said,
if he's gone,
he will be right
back
if he's gone,
he only needs time
to think;
what mistake he has
done in the past
by liking me

***

A Pathepic Love Story

I once had a love story.

This story was Pathepic. Pathetic and in the same time, it was epic too.

I'll tell you what, my super-ego won. It did the right thing.

"Super-ego--which causes you to feel guilty when you have done something wrong."

I don't know. I might have done something wrong to him--I pushed him too much. I confused him--because now, I feel guilty as fuck.

Maybe.

I don't blame anybody, or anything. Because this story involves nothing. 

A friend once said, "Something instant doesn't make you satisfied. It will hurt you soon. No matter what."

Source: http://theawkwardyeti.com/index.php/tag/foolish-heart/

Am I embarrassing myself too much? Well, if I am, I don't mind. This is love. What do you expect? That broken heart phase is the risk you should take.

Even a Bear can feel that. The power of love always wins.

I really don't know what I was going through lately. Some messages and that is all. My world seemed like falling apart like a meteor crush.

Maybe later. Good things always come for those who wait, right? I have a faith. And I have to wait. It may take forever but I don't care. I once (thought that I) loved you and that's right. I'm okay. And I'll always be okay. Even though it's finally done, forever.

***

Do you know why I called this a Pathepic love story?

It's pathetic. Because it was really pathetic in the beginning. Have you ever felt like you're not worthy for someone so you just step out back from his/her life slowly? Have you? Nah, that's pathetic.

The epic part was, when you're like about to step back, that someone pulled you back. That someone pulled you back to his/her arms. You were back to his/her world. You suddenly felt guilty. You felt like, "Shit. What should I do?" but you at last did nothing and started to feel more comfortable near him/her than before.

It's pathepic because it really is. The combination of two emotions. Two feelings. Two persons. One love whose story needs to be remembered, not to be told.

***

It's pathetic because in the end, we ain't together. It's pathetic because you suddenly changed your mind before I could say yes. It's pathetic because I cried so hard whenever I thought about this. It's pathetic because I didn't have much time to tell you what's my true feeling back then.

It's epic because I felt new. It's epic because you made me feel like I'm worthy for someone like you. It's epic because our story is unforgettable. It's epic because at least I knew you. It's epic because we've made some stories I could write here. It's epic because I've loved you, and knowing that you liked (or even loved) me too.

*** 

Iya, saya terperosok ke dalam lubang dan saya nggak bisa keluar.

Instead of looking for a long rope, I tweeted (and waited) (for you to reply my tweet)

***

ps: Still haven't found the rope and yet my hair is not as long as Rapunzel in Tangled.

"Cinta kepada ibu jadi abadi

Cinta kepada anak tak mau berbagi

Cinta kepadamu

Kenapa menyergap berkali-kali?"

 -Abdul Wachid BS, Sajak Kembara

Saya menemukan diri saya tersenyum saat membaca penggalan

sajak ini tadi di dalam angkutan umum berwarna oranye

yang panas, pengap tapi ujung-ujungnya membawa

saya pulang juga

ke rumah

dan saya masih saja tersenyum

***

You belong in my mind
Just don't go

My mind is your home
Wherever and whenever you go,
Just remember that you have a home

And there's someone who waits for you to come home

Everybody always has someone to come home to, you know,

And you have it in me
Please, you, go home

I miss you

***

If I wrote "I miss you" here, I didn't know exactly for whom it was. It could be my missing cats, my missing books, my childhood, my man; you..,

No. I don't know.

But, I miss you.

I miss you, my unknown.

I miss everything about you which may have never been crossed my mind before. You are unseen. You are untouchable. You are so quiet--you never talked.

But you are thinkable. Though you are unseen, untouchable or whatever, you always come to my mind. Thinking of you has no limits. Thinking of you is a pleasure. Thinking of you makes me could write here again.

Thinking of you makes me alive. Because by thinking of you, my brain still works and so does every part of my body and that means that I am still alive.

Oh, you, my unknown,

If you want to show up yourself, just show it. I love being curious, because I'm a Leo and I could be like Sherlock Holmes* when I'm curious.

But for now, I don't wanna be like Sherlock Holmes. I don't wanna play detective thingy. I don't wanna play hide and seek. I just wanna wait for you until you show up.

Because, you, my unknown, I miss you.

***


* based on @aMrazing tweets about the characters of Leo.

A Post So-Called-A-Love-Letter #2

Actually, this is not a post so-called-a-love-letter. It's a confession. And I warn you, this post gonna be a long post.

Dear you, Another A,

You told me that you've always wanted to be a chef and a train driver. You're so good on computing stuffs. You are good on music, especially reggae music and you can play drum so well. You always take everything simply. You don't afraid of any risks would come if you break the rule. You're tough.

You touched me once. It was Wednesday. The whole of class were talking about a trip to Tidung Island. I was laying my head on my bag while the others talked about the plans. I wasn't that excited so I just listened to them and suddenly we were at the point when my friend said, "We should swim there. We should get our skin tanned!" I can't swim. So I just kept in silent.

Then you came in front of us. Asking, "Are we gonna swim there?" My friend answered, "Of course. It's a beach." You nodded and it happened. We touched. You nudged my arm in front of our friends and said, "I'm a devil fruit user like Sanji. I can't swim." You said it right to my face. After that, you went outside. I found out my self smile. I bet only you and me could understand that short conversation. You know what, after you said that and you went out, I really couldn't help the smile. I laid my head on my bag and as much as possible trying to covered my awkward smile.

That wasn't the only one we touched. It was Friday back then. Right the day before Art Performance at school. I knew you played guitar but I didn't know if you played well or no. I was playing my friend's guitar on the floor. I sang Ten 2 Five's song then you came toward me and sat on the chair above me. You strummed your guitar strings making some melodies and started to sang a song. I giggled. We both played guitar together but in different songs. No longer after you strummed your guitar strings, my friend asked me to give her the guitar I played because she wanted to play too. I gave her the guitar. After she left, I started watching your guitar performance deeply. I smiled. Found out you played guitar in front of me, I meant, for God's sake, there were more empty chairs in class that day but why did you choose to sat in front of me? My heart did tap when you strummed your guitar strings.

Suddenly, you stopped strumming and you asked me, "How's C#m?"

Gosh. My poor heart was beating faster than before.

I explained how to make C#m chord by verbal. I told you to put your fingers on 4th fret and your fingers on 1st string, 2nd string bla, bla, bla. You were trying to make the chord perfectly but you failed. So I grabbed your fingers and put them on the right strings. We touched. See? We touched. It was unexplained. Then you asked me more for B chord. I grabbed your fingers and directed them again. Strangely, you asked me how to make G chord and Am chord.

Wait what? I knew you played guitar but.....why? No, I meant, those were basic chords on guitar. Heck no. I didn't care anymore. I didn't ask you why of course. So I just grabbed and directed your fingers over and over again.

I remember, it was Wednesday but it's the other Wednesday. I don't like fix my long shoelaces so I just let them be. I was on my way to canteen that day. Then I saw you in front of class. You stared at my unfixed shoelaces then you said, "Fix your shoelaces. I don't want you go stumble."

Oh my God.

Don't worry, you. I've already fallen and stumble onto something. I've already fallen in love with you. With those mazes.

***

Dear you, Another A,

I know you won't like me because I, you know, I'm a nerd, not-so-good-looking, I'm clumsy, I don't wear make-up, I dressed up like a homeless, I don't like hangouts, I don't care about people's opinions, and the point is, I'm just not same as girls you have dated.

And I'm not worry.

Sometimes, I do hope that we could be together then I just go, "Lol no, never."

If we couldn't be together, that's okay. At least we had some conversations only you and me could understand. About One Piece--a very popular manga--and how I love chocolates especially Toblerone very much. At least I have taught you how to make some guitar chords perfectly. At least I have a reason why I doing my homework until midnight. At least I have a reason why I write some prose with you as the main idea.

At least you had given me a ride twice. At least you had text me, asking do I come to school or don't--on a heavy rain--and you chose to text me instead of your other friends. At least you have made me smile for these past 6 months.

At least I have a reason to be happy.

Well, Another A, thank you so much. I feel so blessed to have you in my "at least" list.

Sincerely,

Someone who writes much about you.

***

A Post So-Called-A-Love-Letter

Dear someone whom-I-Have-Followed-On-Twitter,

I know this may sound crazy and unfortunately it really is but, I think I'm in love with your rubbish and unrated tweets.

It was Tuesday at 11:52 pm when we first met on a chatroom. We talked about really random stuffs. When I told you that I hadn't been on cinema for 3 years, you looked shocked. Then you asked me what was I doing during those years. I answered, "watching animes, having a life. Hahaha". After that, we didn't talk about cinema stuffs but we talked about another random stuffs.

Oh, I loved this guy.

What? Wasn't it good, when you had a very entertaining conversation at night with a totally random guy you haven't known before and the conversation wasn't bad at all, and the guy really has a GOOD sense of humor? And I've always thought that, "There is nothing more erotic than a good conversation." And I found it in you.

You also begged me to listen to Nicki Minaj's song called Stupid Hoe. You said that the song isn't a song. It's a torture device. I didn't listen to the song on the day you begged me to. I just listened to it on my birthday a week ago. Oh, don't ask me how was the video and the music. It was really a torture device.

The clock was pointed on 01:00 am (I forgot the exactly minutes it was). You said that you were sleepy and you wanted to go to sleep. I said, yeah, take care. I thought you would end the chat right away but you didn't. You asked me if I have a Twitter or no. I said, yeah, I have one. Then you asked my username so you could follow me. I gave you my username. You followed me. And I followed you back. But the conversation wasn't really end. We talked again. This is such a shame because I forgot what were we talking and I felt like, damn, you! How could you forget such a great conversation like that? We kept talking. We kept typing and we kept laughing. No, I kept laughing. I didn't know if my cheesy jokes could make you laugh or didn't. And we were there at the point when you said, "For God's sake, stop typing. I want to go to bed right now!" I smiled. And giggled. You were so funny. So I said okay, take care--and our conversation that night was really end.

***

On the day after, I checked your timeline. I saw your tweets seriously and I found my self laughed. Your tweets were incredibly funny and cool in a classy way. Your tweets were so frank--also perv--but I did enjoy every words of them. I scrolled your timeline even until your first tweet. What a good stalker. Even until now, I always check your timeline whenever I signed my Twitter on.

Dear someone whom-I-Have-Followed-On-Twitter,

No, I won't say that I love you because I don't think I do.
You are a good person, I know, because your tweets show your personality clearly.
No, I won't say that I love you because I mean, "who are you? Do I know you better?"
No, I won't say that I love you because your tweets--which have made me feel that way.

It's all about your tweets. And you, as a guy who created the tweets, I think you are involved onto this most-bizarre-so-called-love-story-but-unfortunately-it-isn't. You created the tweets, and I found myself amazed by reading your tweets, so is it appertained?

Dear someone whom-I-Have-Followed-On-Twitter,

Do you know reasons why I always check your timeline everyday?

First, it's because I'm craving for your tweets. And I could be so cranky when you haven't updated your tweets for a couple of days.

Second, it's because I hope, one day, my name is written on your rubbish and unrated tweets. And I wonder what kind of tweets would be posted if my name was written on them.

Sincerely,

Someone who has followed you on Twitter 51 days ago.

Kotor.

Apa yang diharapkan dari yang kotor seperti ini?
Kebersihan? Atau pembersihan?
Sekalipun ada gerakan perubahan, kali ini tidak akan bersih hanya dalam satu atau dua kedip mata.
Ya sama kayak saya. Hati saya nggak bisa langsung bersih dari kamu. Sekalipun sudah bersih, masih ada sisa-sisa kamu yang berkerak di dasar hati.
Enggak, saya nggak bilang kalau hati saya kotor. Saya juga nggak bilang kalau kamu kotor.
Hati saya cuma penuh. Sumpek. Banyak barang yang tidak tertata yang selalu saya masukkan asal-asalan.
Ruang di hati saya sudah penuh. Makanya saya ingin melakukan pembersihan supaya masih tersisa beberapa ruang untuk ditempati oleh 'kamu lain' yang tepat.
Enggak, saya nggak bilang kalau kamu itu nggak tepat buat saya.
Kamu tepat---

Tapi mungkin, sepertinya, masih ada yang kamu lain yang tepat. Mungkin tidak setepat kamu tapi pasti ada.
Mungkin tidak setepat dan secepat kamu lari ke hati saya.
Tapi pasti ada. Nanti.***

Mungkin kamu lain yang tepat yang sedang saya cari itu masih tetap kamu.

Mungkin saya hanya memberi kesempatan kepada hati saya untuk membersihkan diri sebentar.

Dan begitu hati saya sudah bersih, mungkin satu-satunya kamu yang pulang itu ya memang dan hanya kamu seorang.***

July Rain

It's July already. The month when everything should be warmer than other months before July. Dry season is coming but in fact, it hasn't coming yet. The weather in this July is so lovely. Me, personally, love the weather when everything turns into windy and cold. The rain's falling down, tickles my rooftop and petrichor smells up. And I guess, July is the month that I've been waiting for.

Today, when I woke up, my room felt so cold. My mother turned off the fan already. I kept hugging my bolster and felt the wall. Please, I don't want this weather to end. And yes, the weather isn't end yet. Even until now, the rain is still tickling my rooftop. I haven't seen a direct sunshine too. I wonder where did it go.

Raindrops.

For me, the one of the beautiful feelings in the world is feeling the raindrops on your face. Let's imagine, when it starts to rain, you hit your feet into the puddles, and that brown water sticks on your pants. I did it sometimes. When I was on my way to home after school, the rain suddenly started. I didn't bring an umbrella nor jacket or sweater. So I ran. My white-grey uniform got wet. So did my bag, my watch and my head. And in the same time, I felt peace. When you up your head and let the rain poke your face, it's so unexplained. You should try it. Trust me. It.feels.great. And I hope the weather is still being lovely until the end of the year.

Look, the rain is dancing on the ground! ♡

Oh, Happy Holy Ramadhan btw. Eidul Fitr is coming up soon and so are opor ayam and ketupat! xoxo

Happy Birthday Aghnia! Spread The Love!

Happy birthday Aghnia Nuri F! This is my birthday present for you. I know this present is so cheesy but as you understand, I don't have much money. But I will discover Zee Captain's treasure in Waste Land soon! Just wait for it. When I finally discovered the treasure, I will take you a free trip to Waste Land. We will meet Zee, Snippy, Pilot and Engie there. We will build our own (love creepy) story.

Lots of love! x

Kurang

 

Ada yang kurang. Iya. Kurang kamu di sebelah saya.

***

Farewell

 

Tulisan itu saya yang buat waktu hari Jumat, 3 hari sebelum Ulangan Kenaikan Kelas. Hari itu merupakan hari terakhir saya di kelas X.3, Xtreeme Official, yang dipawangi oleh Bu Nurhikmah (Bunda) sebagai wali kelas dan Alfiana (Opung) sebagai ketua kelas.

Hari Jumat sebelum ulangan kenaikan kelas kemarin, 2 papan tulis yang ada di kelas penuh sama tulisan-tulisan dari kami semua. Harapan, doa, kata-kata mutiara, ucapan terima kasih, jokes, sampai memori-memori yang disampaikan kembali lewat tulisan-tulisan.

Menjadi bagian dari kelas X.3 itu buat saya merupakan salah satu momen terbaik. Kita semua udah ngejalanin semuanya selama 1 tahun. Banyak suka-dukanya. Mulai dari masalah sepele yang dibesar-besarin, ulangan fisika yang nyontek berjamaah tanpa peduli ada guru di depan, waktu ulang tahun Bunda, POR, sesi foto-foto nggak jelas, semuanya yang dempet-dempetan duduk di deretan belakang biar dapet kipas angin,  parfum Artha yang baru dipake 3 hari langsung tinggal setengah botol, anak laki-laki yang kerajingan main PES di iPod Dhila sama handphonenya Amal, main kartu UNO sampe kartu Remi, anak laki-laki yang main slepetan (or whatever they called it), Adul Cs yang main bola sampe mecahin 2 bingkai foto, latihan buat pensi, heboh waktu mau gladi resik pensi, omelan Bunda yang sukses bikin satu kelas hampir nangis semua..

Juga ada cinlok, cinta lama bersemi kembali, perasaan yang malu-malu padahal mau, putus-nyambung-putus-nyambung, main kode-kodean sama anak kelas sebelah atau sama kakak kelas yang kebetulan lewat di depan kelas, yang heboh sendiri kalo kakak kelas gebetannya tiba-tiba masuk kelas buat mintain infaq, yang suka jaim padahal malu-maluin...

Adhimas Syahdani yang jarang banget ngomong. Yang kalo lagi ulangan trus kepepet langsung nengok ke belakang buat liat jawaban tanpa izin dari orangnya,

Alfiana yang lirikannya kadang suka gak nahan, alisnya apa lagi,

Alvin Sergio yang kumisnya sukses bikin kakak kelas klepek-klepek,

Amalia Priska calon astronot dari kelas X.3 yang dingin sama perfeksionis,

Andrean Ramadhan ketua gengster X.3 yang tengil dan kadang kurang ajar,

Ani Putri yang suaranya sekseh, agak ngebass gimana gitu,

Artha Intan yang cadel, supel sekaligus penyedia konsumsi sama produk kecantikan di X.3,

Ashri Ramdhaniaty cici-cici yang suaranya bagus tapi kalo ketawa kadang suka bikin orang shock,

Bagas Ariyadi tiang lisrtiknya X.3, om-om yang tulisannya rapiiiiih banget

Dicky Himawan pacarnya Artha :p dia Charlie Chaplin-nya X.3

Dio Bagaskara samsaknya X.3, si buntelan yang cadel juga

Dwi Ayu W yang heboh sendiri kalo ketemu sama yang sipit-sipit. Punya obsesi buat nerbitin novel suatu hari nanti (amin, amin)

Dwi Zulviana yang suka berduaan terus sama Farah Nabila yang suka sama Simple Plan.

Caption ini dibuat sama Dwizul hari Jumat sebelum UKK juga :D

Eka Dhianbustomi Y yang slengean. Kadang suka ngeselin juga

Ekky Rahman drummer jago yang kadang suka jayus. Bulu matanya nggak nahan. Angelina Jolie kalah.

Fairuz Maizan koko X.3 yang punya banyak manajemen. Dia katanya nerbitin satu chapter di novel Rekaman Buaya Darat. Katanya~~

Gavin Marcel raja gombal di X.3 yang gombalannya kadang jayus tapi kadang ngena banget di hati :3

Hapsari Ningsih si introvert yang suka sama Jepang-jepangan

Ismi Wijayanti anak saman. Bisa kerruyah, kalo dia teriak kita harus siap-siap sedia kapas buat nyumpel kuping. Anak kesayangannya Om Tri

Maretio Wahyudi laki-laki anggun di kelas X.3. Kadang pikirannya suka ngelantur kemana-mana. Anak dance sama cheerleader

M. Fachrur Reza punya kembaran di kelas sebelah. Ketawanya khas banget

Nadia Mahdini sering dibilang tukang tikung sama Artha cs :p suka banget sama makanan pedes

Nadhila Yasmin yang hobi banget teriak-teriak

Nikita Kezia suka sama yang sipit-sipit kayak Dwi Ayu :p

Revin Hariara yang suka banget ngomong kampung. Dia juga penggemarnya Michael Jackson

Sani Ilham yang pecicilan, yang selalu nendang-nendangin apapun yang ada di depannya

Toni Eriawan om-om di X.3

Try Iryanto om-om di X.3 juga yang baik tapi kadang suka jayus

Zulianto Maulana yang hobinya nyanyi lagu reggae sambil main drum imajiner. Dia juga suka sama Sanji--tokoh anime One Piece.

Saya udah 13 tahun sekolah (+ TK sama TPA) dan saya baru ngerasain punya keals seasik X.3. Punya temen-temen yang supel, yang seru diajak gila-gilaan, yang memorable, yang unforgettable, yang I-will-miss-you-until-forever-able.

Jadi makasih banget udah ngisi 1 tahun pertama saya di SMA, you guys rock. Makasih banget udah mau jadi bagian dari hidup saya selama 1 tahun terakhir. Makasih banget buat si itu yang udah berhasil 'menyusup' ke hati saya *halah* dan buat SEMUANYA yang udah menerima saya jadi bagian dari kalian.

XOXO

"Aku sangat ahli menghindari perasaanku sendiri, kau tahu? bagiku suatu perasaan tidaklah nyata kalau aku menolak merasakannya. perasaan itu tidaklah nyata kalau aku menolak mengakuinya." - Mia Clark

- Sunshine Becomes You; halaman 426. 

Saya sedikit berhasil dalam menjalankan 'misi' ini. 'Misi' melupakan kamu. Saya meyakinkan diri saya sendiri kalau saya akan baik-baik saja. Saya harus keras. Saya harus memaksakan kehendak saya sendiri. Saya harus beranggapan kalau kamu itu bukan siapa-siapa lagi.

Walau hari pertama dalam menjalankan 'misi' ini cukup sulit.

Tapi saya akan berusaha sebisa mungkin. Karena semata-mata saya peduli dan saya tidak ingin hadir di tengah-tengah kebahagiaan orang lain. Apalagi kebahagiaan kamu.

 

 

"Sometimes, crazy poses are needed."

Bukan Waktu Lagi Yang Akan Menjawab

Tanggal 27 Mei--Senin kemarin, Aaron berulang tahun yang ke 17. Saya senang. Saya tidak tahu kenapa saya senang dan sepertinya saya tidak memerlukan alasan untuk bisa senang hari itu.

Dua hari yang lalu, hari Minggu, saya mengucapkan sumpah serapah kepada provider internet saya karena koneksinya yang terlalu lambat. Waktu itu pukul 8 malam lebih sedikit. Saya tidak ingin melewatkan momen, rengek saya dalam hati. Momen apa sebenarnya yang tidak ingin saya lewatkan itu?

Perbedaan waktu antara Indonesia bagian barat dengan Australia itu 4 jam. Pada hari Minggu, tanggal 26 Mei pukul 8 malam lewat sepersekian menit, saya ingin mengucapkan "Happy birthday" kepada Aaron. Sudah saya katakan saya tidak ingin melewatkan momen. Kalau saya mengucapkan Happy Birthday pada puul 8 malam waktu Indonesia bagian barat, itu berarti saya mengucapkan Happy Birthday pada pukul 12 malam waktu Australia.

Sumpah serapah sudah saya keluarkan. Baru pada pukul 9 malam lewat sedikit koneksi internet saya sudah mulai stabil seperti biasa dan saya mengucapkan Happy Birthday untuk Aaron di Facebook. Pukul 9 lewat sedikit, yang artinya pukul 1 pagi waktu Australia.

Setelah mengucapkan Happy Birthday itu saya menjadi lega. Entah kenapa. Saya merasa hidup saya baik-baik saja sampai saat tadi saya iseng membuka folder foto di komputer saya.

Dan saya menemukan sebuah foto, penggalan dari kalimat salah satu novel yang saya pinjam dari perpustakaan sekolah beberapa minggu yang lalu.

Pada saat saya melihat foto tersebut barusan, otak saya berputar. Berpikir keras.

Selama ini saya memang takut untuk memikirkan sesuatu yang akan terjadi di masa depan. Bagaimana saya nanti, dimana saya berada nanti, siapa saya nanti dan sebagainya. Tapi untuk masalah saya yang satu ini--tentang Aaron--lain lagi urusannya.

Selama ini saya selalu mengajak otak saya untuk berimajinasi. Kadang saya berimajinasi kalau 10 tahun yang akan datang saya sudah mapan dan menetap di Australia. Lalu saya bertemu Aaron dan layaknya pasangan lainnya, kami dekat, dekat dan semakin dekat.

Atau, 5 tahun yang akan datang saya mendapatkan beasiswa universitas di Australia. Lalu tanpa sengaja saya satu penjurusan dengan Aaron dan dosen pembimbing mata kuliah kami mempersatukan kami dengan cara membentuk suatu kelompok, yang anggotanya hanya saya dan Aaron dan kami berdua mulai mengerjakan proyek bersama-sama.

Saat saya berimajinasi tentang hal-hal yang seperti itu, saya tidak takut. Sungguh. Bahkan saya merasa dengan berimajinasi seperti itu saya bisa membangun dunia saya sendiri, di mana Aaron tidak tampak terlalu imajiner dengan merangkai alur atau plot yang saya inginkan.

Tapi saat di hadapkan dengan realita seperti ini, saya memacu otak saya untuk berpikir lebih keras lagi.

Bagaimana saya nanti?

Bagaimana Aaron nanti?

Apa kami akan bertemu?

Apa janji itu akan terpenuhi?

Atau apa, dan bagaimana...?

Ada pepatah yang mengatakan, "Jika sebuah mimpi tidak menakutimu sedemikian rupa, maka mimpi itu tidak cukup besar."

Saya takut. Kadang-kadang. Saya takut kalau saya tidak bisa membuat dunia imajinasi saya menjadi nyata suatu saat nanti. Saya takut kalau saya hanya bisa mengumbar janji. Saya takut kalau semua yang saya impikan selama ini akan bertolak belakang dengan kenyataan.

Saya takut.

Tapi di sisi lain, saya mencoba untuk optimis.

Saya masih menyisakan ruang di dalam otak saya untuk sesuatu yang positif. Misalnya dengan memberikan sugesti pada diri sendiri kalau saya pasti akan bertemu dengan Aaron 10 atau 14 tahun lagi.

Selama ini saya hanya bisa mengatakan,"Biar waktu yang menjawab."

Tapi sekarang lain lagi. Saya masih akan tetap membiarkan waktu untuk menjawab semuanya. Tapi, saya akan membantu waktu untuk menemukan cara agar kami berdua bisa segera mendapatkan jawaban yang selama ini kami tunggu-tunggu.

Great Expectations; page 30

Dear someone whose name has a letter Z in it,

I should have understood if I can’t love someone like this.

Secretly, with no sounds, no codes,

I should have known the consequence I may take is I can get hurt, over and over again.

It doesn’t happen once. It has happened more than once.

And I don’t learn from mistakes.

I keep doing this—loving someone secretly.

I’m not bored. In facts, I’m happy.

Because I can watch him from distances and write about him and nobody knows.

Plenty of people know, but at least, he doesn’t know.

Maybe. 

And I wish he didn’t know though.

He had a crush already. And I knew that.

Fuck me. I knew that from earlier, then why did I keep doing this? For God’s sake, I don’t want to ruin your relationship at all!

I’m sorry.

Really.

I admire someone too easily, you know.

If you didn’t give me any attentions, I wouldn’t have loved you like this.

No, I don’t blame you. The one who needs to be blamed here is me.

Too many tears I have shed, and I don’t want ended up like those who feel their lives will be destroyed when they lost someone who they admire.

And I promise I won’t cry.

Because Charles Dickens taught me; I won't cry when I don't want to.

***

Saya tahu seharusnya saya tidak banyak berharap.

Tetapi bagaimana bisa saya menahan sunggingan senyum dan memaksa agar tendangan kecil di hati saya berhenti?

Saya tahu kamu selalu melempar perhatian yang tidak hanya kepada saya.

Tetapi bagaimana bisa saya menahan gejolak yang tidak enak di dalam hati?

Saya tahu kalau saya (mungkin) hanya akan menjadi teman kamu.

Tetapi bagaimana saya bisa menghalau perasaan ‘ingin-lebih-dari-sekadar-teman’ dari dalam hati saya?

Saya tahu seharusnya saya tidak cemburu, tapi…

Oh, sial. Saya benar-benar cemburu.

***

Choices

I've had so many things lately. And those things make me busy all day. I'm on first year of senior high, and only less than 2 months left to leave a first year in high school's phase. I'm on my way to the second year of senior high.

Seems legit, huh?

Not really actually. Second semester of first year is soooo overwhelmed. I need to fix my bad scores. I need to chase teachers, act like a dumb by asking, "what should I do to fix my bad scores?" what a shame. Actually, I am not that person. I don't like chase teachers by asking a dumb question to fix my bad score. I prefer to let it flow. My scores are bad, That's the consequences I should take. I might didn't study as hard as I need to reach my best goals. I mean, who knows? I know chase teachers and asking them to fix the bad scores wouldn't be useless, but I don't think that I should do that. I only do things what I wanted to. If I need to fix my bad scores, I would fix it. But if I don't, I wouldn't do that.

Oh, that was not a real problem. A real problem is, where would I go after I pass the second semester? I have 2 choices. Every students have 2 choices - but there are plenty of students who have 3 choices, and I'm jealous! Which class should we take? A science one, or a social one?

I have to admit that I really have no choice at this time.

I love science. I love physics. But I kind of hate chemistry. Oh, no hating. I do not like chemistry as I like physics for sure. And if I was able to enter a science class, chemistry is waiting for me in front of class.

I kinda love social. But I don't like economy (no hating, still). I know there are persons who can sit for hours, count on those 6-7 digits of money and happy. I am sure I'm not that person.

For God's sake, I would take a literature class only if my school had one!

Only if my school had one.

But, it's alright. No matter what classes I chose, I know that was a better choice for me. And I'd like to thank God because He has let me chose. No matter I like this class I chose or not, I'll try to like this class. Take the consequences I've made. No regrets, of course.

Nb: I'm going to attend an Inobu event. Photos will coming up soon! x

We Talked

We talked--finally.

Yesterday we didn't talk at all, you know, and I missed your voice already.

Today you asked me for a choki-choki--a chocolate paste, and I said, "I don't have any. I'm fasting," then you said, "O-oh,"

You don't know how it feels. You don't know how happy I am. You don't know--me neither--why your heavy voice is so damn-heart-warming. You don't know that I stop read a novel when you talked, do you? You don't know that I paused a Foo Fighter's song from iPod so I can hear your voice, do you?

Then you asked me for a paper. A physic paper. You haven't done your homework yet--I just knew it and you asked me. I laugh, you laugh too. Then I realized that I kind of miss your smile too.

Your voice, your smile, then what?

Your heart?

***

Draft 2

Sudah hampir 5 bulan saya tidak menulis sesuatu tentang Aaron di sini. Dan sekarang saya kembali lagi.

Awalnya, saat itu guru mata pelajaran Bahasa Indonesia menyuruh saya dan teman-teman saya untuk menulis sebuah cerpen non-fiksi (kisah nyata). Dan saya bingung. Deadline yang hanya 1 minggu tidak mampu membuat saya untuk berpikir cerpen apa yang harus saya tulis.

Lalu saya memutuskan untuk menulis tentang Aaron. Dan ternyata kurang dari kurun waktu 1 jam, cerpen saya sudah selesai. Atas permintaan seorang teman, saya akan mempublish cerpen itu.

Jatuh Ke Sebuah Lubang

Jatuh cinta itu lumrah. Manusiawi. Setiap orang pasti pernah mengalamai apa yang namanya jatuh cinta. Saya juga pernah, beberapa kali. Meski saya sendiri juga tidak tahu apakah saya benar-benar jatuh cinta pada saat itu.

Bagi sebagian orang, makna cinta itu ambigu. Saya sendiri beranggapan kalau cinta itu adalah sesuatu yang harus diperjuangkan. Sesuatu yang harus dikejar, sesuatu yang  pantas untuk dimiliki. Semua orang berhak jatuh cinta, bahkan seluruh komponen semesta alam ini berhak merasakan cinta dan kasih sayang.

Pembicaraan absurd baru saja terjadi tadi siang saat teman saya—Revin namanya, berkata, “Nih, ya gue kasih satu pernyataan. Elo setuju apa enggak. Bentar,” teman saya menulis sesuatu di buku catatannya lalu ia memberikan catatan itu pada saya. Saya membacanya.

Di lembar itu tertulis, “Cinta tidak harus memiliki.” Saya mengernyit. Nyaris tertawa. Saya berkata pada teman saya itu,

“Ya enggak setuju, lah,” kata saya. “kalo cinta nggak harus memiliki, gimana kita bisa mencintai? Cinta itu kan sesuatu yang harus diperjuangin.”

Teman saya mengangguk. Saya melanjutkan lagi, “Orang kata Pak Mario Teguh aja cinta itu harus memiliki, kok. Kalo nggak memiliki itu bukan cinta namanya.”

Teman saya kembali menuliskan sesuatu lagi tepat di bawah kalimat ‘cinta tidak harus memiliki’. Ia menulis, “Orang yang putus asa.”

Saya mengernyit lagi. Teman saya lalu menunjuk kalimat ‘orang yang putus asa’ dengan ujung pensilnya. “Kalo ada yang beranggapan bahwa cinta itu nggak harus memiliki, itu tandanya orang itu adalah orang yang putus asa.”

Saya menaikkan kedua alis saya dan mengangguk. Lalu saya tertawa.

Saya setuju dengan pernyataan yang seperti itu karena sesuatu yang bernama cinta itu memang berhak untuk diperjuangkan. Dan harus memiliki satu sama lain.

***

Saya sudah berulang kali jatuh ke dalam lubang yang sama. Lubang yang dinamai ‘cinta’ oleh beberapa orang.

Saya pernah membaca kutipan di internet seperti ini,

Dig a hole, named it love, watch them fall in love.

Menggali lubang, menamainya cinta, melihat mereka jatuh ke dalam cinta.

Dan saya sudah terlanjur jatuh ke dalam lubang itu.

Namanya Aaron. Dia tinggal sekitar 5.250 kilometer dari sini. Tepatnya, dia tinggal di Australia.Sebuah jejaring sosial yang mempertemukan kami—atau sepertinya saya yang menemukan dia. Dia berwajah oriental. Ayah dan ibunya merupakan orang Tionghoa. Dan seperti perawakan orang Tionghoa pada umunya, Aaron memiliki kedua mata yang sipit, tulang hidung yang tajam, rahang yang keras, alis yang menipis di ujung dan menebal di pangkal.

Dan senyumnya. Senyum yang menurut saya dapat mencairkan glester es di laut arktik sekalipun.

Saya bertemu dengannya—atau lebih tepatnya mengenalnya sekitar 2 tahun lalu. Tanggal 8 Agustus 2011. Dan seketika hidup saya berubah hampir 180 derajat. Saya menjadi seseorang yang bukan saya. Saya menjadi lebih suka berlama-lama di depan PC saya sambil memandangi fotonya, saya menjadi lebih suka menulis berlembar-lembar sajak dan puisi dan saya menjadi seseorang yang melankolis.

Ini aneh. Saya sudah berkali-kali jatuh ke dalam lubang yang sama tapi saya tidak pernah jatuh sampai sedalam ini. Saya tidak tahu apa namanya tapi selalu ada sesuatu yang memaksa saya untuk menarik kedua sudut bibir saya hingga membentuk sebuah lengkung senyuman saat saya berpikir tentang dia.

Ini benar-benar aneh.

Saya bahkan tidak pernah berpikir kalau saya bisa jatuh cinta—atau apalah namanya—sampai seperti ini.  Jadi saya hanya membiarkannya. Barangkali seiring berjalannya waktu perasaan ini akan terkikis dengan segera.

Mungkin. Saya juga tidak tahu.

Ada sebuah percakapan dengan seorang teman beberapa saat yang lalu. Pada waktu itu, PC saya diinstall ulang. Seluruh data-data milik saya mulai dari dokumen, foto sampai lagu hilang. Kecuali beberapa data yang sempat saya backup sebelumnya.

Lalu saya berkata pada teman saya melalui twitter, Rifat namanya. “Semua data di komputer gue ilang. Tapi untung alamat rumah sama nomer telfonnya Aaron nggak ilang. Sempet gue backup.”

Rifat berkata, setengah menyindir mungkin, “Dih, dasar orang aneh.”

Saya berkata, “Kok aneh sih? Bagus dong..”

Ujarnya lagi, “Iyalah. Kalo bagus itu file penting kayak tugas yang gak ilang. Lah ini malah alamat sama nomer telfon.. ”

“Aaron kan juga penting, Fat…..”

“Sepenting apa sih Aaron?” seperti disiram air es, saat itu juga otak saya mendadak tumpul. 

“*skak mat* *nggak bisa jawab*”

“Nggak bisa jawab, kan kenapa lo bilang Aaron penting? Wajib dijawab sekarang.”

Saya merasa seperti disiram berliter-liter air es lagi. “Ih Rifat……”

“Coba jawab aja,” katanya lagi—defensif.

“Ini….. susah..” saya bingung menemukan kata-kata yang tepat. “Aaron penting ya karna dia penting. Seenggaknya buat gue dan buat sekarang. For the present.”

Jujur, saya kurang menyukai percakapan yang memojokkan seperti ini.

Rifat berkata lagi, “Emang Aaron pernah ngasih lo apa?”

“Harapan. Sayangnya harapan yang jawabannya nggak dateng-dateng.”

“Dan itu lo anggap penting?”

“Ironisnya, iya.”

“Kenapa nggak mencoba berfikir kalo Aaron gak akan pernah ngasih harapan ke elo?”

Hahahahaha, speechless. Waktu itu saya benar-benar tidak tahu mau menjawab apa.

“Aduh, nggak tau ya. Ini tuh kayak air. Ngalir gitu aja.. buat ke depannya ya kita liat aja nanti.”

“Terus lo maunya ngelupain Aaron apa tetep suka sama Aaron?”

“Tetep suka!!”

“Finally you always answer that, ”

“I do and I will.”

Saat saya menjawab “tetep suka” atas pertanyaan Rifat itu, saya merasa tidak yakin.

Apakah saya akan tetap menyukainya? Maksudnya jika suatu saat nanti perasaan itu akan segera terkikis, apakah saya akan tetap menyukainya?

Entahlah.

***

Draft 1

Izinkan aku untuk menulis
agar aku bisa marangkai kata-kata manis
kamuflase dari rindu yang berbaris-baris

*

Jangan pergi jauh-jauh
lihatlah dahimu penuh dengan peluh
sini, duduklah bersamaku
segala dukamu pasti akan luruh

*

Cangkir ini sama seperti kemarin
di dalamnya juga terdapat cairan berkafein
namun rasanya tak sama lagi seperti kemarin
karena kamu pergi - membawa gulaku, membawa rasaku
entah kamu bawa kemana, hanya kamu yang tahu

*

Kamu menangis
padahal isi cangkirku belum habis
kalau begini, bagaimana bisa aku menampung
sisa-sisa gerimis yang turun dari kedua mata seorang sentimentalis?

*

Cure For A Broken Heart

I was having a crush on someone lately and like usual, it didn't get any longer. It happens a lot. Having a crush on someone silently wouldn't get any longer. Right the day after I wrote about him, I knew that he has a girlfriend. I felt so guilty, I mean, he had a girlfriend, for God's sake, I shouldn't have disturbed him.

I'm sorry, Kak.

Anyway, it's been days since I knew that he had a girlfriend. And I feel like, "Oh, yaudah. Dia udah punya pacar. So what?" First, I wasn't that sure if I could through these tough times by knowing my crush already had a girlfriend. But the results were more than I was expecting! I felt free - not being bounce by any silly feelings. I keep continuing my life. With learn something's new. And assume that life is a playground. So I just have to play. I don't have a reason for being sad all the time. But I have a reason why should I have to being happy all the time; Because I'm still young. I know God can take my soul whenever He wanted to. But for now, I just want to enjoy my life. As a teenager. As a cheerful teenager.

I don't have a reason for being sad. And there are so many random things that make me happy and also for cure a broken heart.

1. Reading

I love reading. My parents taught me how to read when I was 3 years old. Passing days without reading any books or stories would be so sucks. When that accident came, I made my self busy with re-read my novels and comics. Lucky me, without knowing that I would having a broken-heart-phase, I bought books last weekend. One novel, two comics. Those books successfully made me laugh and touched. Most of all, reading is all about fun. Fun and entertained.

2. Playing With Pet

About 3 weeks ago, I found a new cat. Her name is Pancake. She's cute! I love playing ball with her. She always makes me laugh and happy. When I stroked her fur, I feel peace. I feel happy. Suddenly, all of my fears are disappear.

3. Eating Something's Sweet

I love something's sweet. Chocolates, candies and cotton-candies. When I eat them all, alone, in my room and listen to the musics, I feel relaxed. I feel like I'm the one who owned the world. There's nothing more sweet than eating those sweet foods. And after all, when I looked myself in mirror, I'm gonna say, "So long, diet."

4. Sleeping

*no explanations* XD

5. Watching Movies

Good movies make my life happy. Whenever I had shitty moods, I always open my movies folder on my PC. Re-watch some good movies or watch some movies I haven't watched. You know, movies-out-of-my-genre. But it's fun. When you out from your genre - your life wouldn't be that monotonous. The movie I've watched lately is This Means War. The movie was good! Unpredictable. And movies such The Hangover and Due date can make me laugh all day. But some movies such Larry Crowne, The Bounty Hunter and Saving Private Ryan always make me cry. I don't know why, those are even not included into sad movie's categories.

Okay, so I just found 5 random things to make me happy. And I'm sure there are still millions random things that can make my days more brighter and fun than before. Sometime, broken heart is fun. It teaches me something that I have to keep on going.

Thank you for being here and read it. Have a nice weekend everyone! x

Indirectly

I'm having a crush on someone lately and yes, it is so damn awesome. It would be more awesome if he admires me back. He was older than me. He's about 1 year older than me. Wearing glasses and he's so freaking chubby. Oh my, He's cute. I'm telling you the truth. He is cute. He's just like Bernard Bear. Actually, I didn't think so but my friend whose having thought that he looked like Bernard Bear. And I just agreed.

I've met him around the school. Canteen, osis's room, school's yard, teachers's room or parking. I didn't know that I would have a silly feeling about him. He wears glasses - I told you once again, and I really like someone who wears glasses. Glasses makes their faces look different. Something's different but cool. And I found something in him.

I do like having a crush on someone silently. Without telling all of my feelings to my friends or families. I'd like to keep them but - I don't want these secrets about having a crush on someone scare me to death. What if I die, and these secrets keep sticking in mine? I want to share these things - who doesn't? - I mean, if someday I die and I am sure I will die - soon, at least somebody had known these. My secrets, my random thoughts, my feelings and if they want - they can tell my secrets to someone, whose always there as a main actor in my secrets.

Okay, so back to someone-whom-I-have-a-crush-on. I wouldn't have known his name if my friend wouldn't have told me. I keep remembering. That was Thursday. I was having final tests. Me and my friends were sitting in the corridor while he came. Him, tote a red bag with superman's logo on his back. He walked away. Passed us. I looked at him. I looked at his back, I said something that I couldn't remember clearly and my friend whom sat beside me said, "Namanya Kak Irfan. Dia alumni SMP 11, tau," I shocked. I turned my body and I faced her. I gave her an I-really-want-to-fucking-know-him-as-best's face. She talked to me. She said he was kind and he was funny. I was happy. I finally knew his name! I was happy!

***

My friend said, she often replied each other's tweets with him. I was under control and said, almost scream, "Dia punya twitter? Apa namanya?" Then she said that she was forgot. She told me that I can find his twitter's profile on her followers. I was at home. I turned up my computer, connected the modem and I started browsing. I stalked my friend's followers to find my crush's twitter's name. And I found his profile. So I stalked his twitter's profile.

And these're what I've got:

- He likes JKT 48
- He hates cockroaches
- He likes anime, manga and Japanese's stuffs

Stalked his profile became a daily routine for me. I stalked his profile. Once, I tweeted something about him and I forgot what were they (hahaha) and my friend mentioned his name. Screwed me! I looked so freaking desperate. I was sweating. My heart was beating so fucking fast. My hands suddenly being cold. I was mad and by that time, I realized, why should I getting mad? I mean, I'm having a crush on him. Why should I? Is there any reason? Yeah, should I getting mad? No.

He replied my tweets. I didn't even have a brave to look at my tab mention. This was awkward.

After months, when I stalked his profile again, I was knowing that he already had a girlfriend. A girl with middle-east's face. I was speechless. Okay, there is no more stalky stalker. It was enough. And after weeks, when I stalked his profile (again), they broke up. I shocked.

So I decided to not became a stalky stalker. I would always stalked his profile, of course :p but I wouldn't make it as a daily routine for me. Oh, I made a  blog post about him too. That post was talking about poems. Yes, I made some poems for him.

Months are passed. I still write a lot. I write about him too. But mostly on Twitter. And my friend keep teasing on me. Frontal attitudes, yeah, it's normal. I mean, when you had a crush on someone and you sharing with your friend, I am pretty sure that she/he couldn't take it to teasing us. And so did she.

Whenever I walked with my friends and we met him, there was always one person who keep teasing me. They greeted him, "Kak Irfan, dapet salam dari Dwi Ayu" you can predict how red my face was. Poker face at the moment. Don't know what to do. And when he passed us away and make sure that he wouldn't able to see us again, I yelled, almost scream, "OMG, ada kak Irfaaaaaaaaaaan!" I yelled that. It sucks.

It happened more than once. Even more than twice. My friend told me this. "Lan tadi gue ketemu kak Irfan, trus gue bilang, 'kak dapet salam dari Dwi Ayu' trus kak Irfan bilang 'salam balik dah'."

WHAT IF YOUR CRUSH SAID THIS TO YOUR FRIENDS, AND YOUR FRIENDS TOLD YOU. INDIRECTLY, YOUR CRUSH SAID "HI" TO YOU. Oh my God.

By that time, I felt that I was the luckiest girl, ever.

***

I keep tweeting about him. Without mention his twitter's profile, of course. And my life was easy 2 days ago. Until...,

My friend - like usual, mentioned his twitter's profile. She kept telling him that I liked him. Okay, that's the truth. I'm not a hypocrite. She also gave him a link address which would bring him to my blog post about him. A post with poems about him. For Heaven's sake, I felt soooooo damn ashamed. That heart attacked was back.

I kept praying. God, please, don't make him feel bad after seeing my blog post. God, please, I don't need his criticism. I need something good from his mouth. God, please...

God finally had answered my prays.

He tweeted something. Yeah, something that successfully made me smile all day long. Even until now, I keep smiling when I remember about yesterday.

Thank you, Kak. I feel so blessed because I have known you, as a crush, and as a stranger :)

***

Hey, I am the future writer. I'm not dating you. But I write about you.

What is that mean?

***

nb: @benzbara_ isn't his twitter account's name. His name is started with "I".

I?

I for...

I like you?

***

Past(s)

Pernah nggak sih kalian punya suatu memori, lalu memori itu perlahan-lahan mulai kalian lupakan, berbaur dengan setumpuk memori-memori lain yang memang seharusnya dilupakan?

Pernah dan punya, pasti.

Seiring berjalannya waktu, memori-memori itu sudah terlupakan. Tetapi masih meninggalkan bekas di sudut. Tapi kalian percaya kalau memori-memori itu akan menghilang dengan sendirinya. Tanpa harus meninggalkan bekas di sudut. Ada yang bersusah payah, mati-matian untuk menghapus memori itu, tapi ada juga yang santai-santai saja.

Suatu ketika, hampir tigaperempat sebuah memori masa lalu sudah terhapus dari dalam benak saya. Sejauh itu, saya tenang-tenang saja. Sabar, seperempat lagi. Begitu yang saya katakan pada diri saya berulang-ulang kali. Dan meskipun memori itu sudah terhapus seluruhnya, tetapi tetap saja akan meninggalkan bekas di sudut.

Apalagi kalau memori itu datang kembali.

Bekasnya tidak hanya tertinggal di sudut. Tapi akan melebar kemana-mana. Partikel-partikel kecil dari tigaperempat memori yang sudah terlupakan itu akan kembali menguap. Melepaskan diri mereka masing-masing. Berlarian, membentuk memori-memori baru. Semakin sulit.

Semakin sulit untuk diterima dan semakin sulit untuk dilupakan.

Baru-baru ini, memori itu datang lagi. Melepaskan ikatan dari partikel-partikel kecil itu. Membiarkan mereka berlarian dengan bebas.

Saya bingung. Mustahil rasanya berlarian menangkap mereka di antara memori-memori yang kembali hidup.

***

nb: Saya mencoba untuk mengambil sisi positif dari partikel memori yang melepaskan diri. Saya berusaha menganggap kalau partikel memori itu adalah ide. Jadi saat partikel itu berlarian dengan bebas, itu berarti ide saya juga mengalir secara liar dan bebas. Lagipula, dengan lepasnya partikel-partikel kecil ini saya menjadi punya kesempatan untuk menulis tentang seseorang yang melepaskan ikatan partikel memori itu, lebih banyak lagi :)

David Choi - Valentines (Original)

I see a couple strollin' down the street
They're so in love,
There is not a worry
And to the clock they said goodbye
They ain't in a hurry

And sometimes I feel kind of lonely
Ask myself where is my one and only
Until she comes to me, I'll wait
Until then I shouldn't be feeling this way

Won't let no Valentine's get me down
Or when Christmas time comes around
Just cuz I'm alone right now
Don't mean I should hold a frown

Oh in the meantime love is here you'll find
The simple things that slip your mind
The joy of hope for better days
You know that love can find its ways

When you finally find the one who you can call your own
You can tell yourself the wait was worth it all
Cuz you got something here to last forever

I can smile cuz there's so much in store
The future holds for me more than I will ever know
Shouldn't make no room for feeling sad

Won't let no Valentine's get me down
Or when Christmas time comes around
Just cuz I'm alone right now
Don't mean I should hold a frown

Oh in the meantime love is here you'll find
The simple things that slip your mind
The joy of hope for better days
You know that love can find its ways

Won't let no Valentine's get me down
Or when Christmas time comes around
Just cuz I'm alone right now
Don't mean I should hold a frown

Oh in the meantime love is here you'll find
The simple things that slip your mind
The joy of hope for better days
You know that love can find its ways

I saw this video from David Choi's official facebook page and I really like it. Especially stop-motions that he made, and the lyrics :3

X.3

I've been in so many classes. Counted up when I was in kindergarten, middle school, junior high and now, I'm on my first year in senior high. It was so unpredictable. So many things unpredictable had came. The lessons, friends, teachers and crushes ;p. The atmosphere of my first year in senior high is so damn awesome. I've learnt what life and friendship was about. Though, I should keep learning to find out who really am I. Many people said that Senior-High-Memories are unforgettable. I might agree with that statement.

First time I entered my first class in my first year in high school, my silly mind had came out with these negative thoughts. I thought that my friends in my fist year in senior high were rude. I thought I would had no friends. We must fought by ourselves to reach the best goals. I had no time to having a chit-chat about friend, personal life, even love. I thought we were separated. We were separated by 'something.' I thought, I thought, I thought...,

....... Gosh, I had a sickest mind. And I was wrong. Very wrong.

As I said in first paragraph, the atmosphere of my first year in high school is so damn awesome. My first chair-mate was Amal. We were in a same junior high but we haven't known each other. She was smart. She was perfectionist. She was fun. We've had so many laughs. And we've had so many debates :p

Then I met Artha, Nadia, Cici, Tio, Ismi, Nikita and Alfiana. Alfiana is our class-leader. They were nice. Very nice. They ARE very nice. And there are Dwizul, Farah, Nadhila, Gavin, Yayan, Revin, Toni, Eka, Reza, Papay; our koko :)), Hapsari, Ani, Adhimas; (he's so freakin' quiet!), Sani (he's so attractive. He always kicks everything what appears on his way), Alvin (we called him Kumis, though he had shaved his mustache haha!), Ekky; our beautiful-boy :3, Dio; our 'bayi sehat', Bagas; he's so tall! We called him 'jangkung' or 'bacul'. (I still have no idea what was bacul mean..), Andrean; our big boss :) he's funny and entertained. I adore him. He always makes us all laugh. Thank you for that, Adul! :D (we called him Adul though), Dicky; nah. He's funny too. His blak-blakan words are so damn funny!, Zuliyanto; he's a drummer and a vocalist in my class. He has so many nickname. Panjul, wedang, drummer, vocalist, Anto and Oom. He's good and he's fun.

All students in my class are mostly banci-cameras. Whenever somebody was taking a photo of his/herself, about one, two, three or four students were came and join 'em. One shoot wouldn't get enough. We will wanted more and more. But the results weren't that disappointed. The results were nice. Our suddenly expressions made the results become awesome.

I really love this class. Moreover, we have a beautiful and kind-hearted teacher, Bunda Hikmah. She's very nice. We adore her so much :) For this time, I really don't wanna out of this class. I love this class. I love the member of this class. I love the instruments. I love the atmosphere inside the class. I feel loved. I feel happy. I feel something unexplained. In fact, I had deeply in love with this class.

It enters the second semester. Mid-test will be held on the next middle March. On June, we will take the final exams. By July, we will get separated. Second year in senior high. We will take the different ways and tracks...,

We will leave this memorial-class.

This is our beautiful mother, Bunda Hikmah :) This photo was took when we celebrated Bunda's Birthday.

The girls in X.3. Look at Bunda's eyes. They winked! XD

The boys in X.3. Oh, what a happy day it was :))

Photo session before we fought in POR (Pekan Olahraga PGRI) what a tiring day. So much make-up were poked on our faces :)

We meet, we find the perfections together, we separated. That is the cycle.

But we must keep on going. These memories wouldn't be fade from our mind. Just promise us :)