I've met him around the school. Canteen, osis's room, school's yard, teachers's room or parking. I didn't know that I would have a silly feeling about him. He wears glasses - I told you once again, and I really like someone who wears glasses. Glasses makes their faces look different. Something's different but cool. And I found something in him.
I do like having a crush on someone silently. Without telling all of my feelings to my friends or families. I'd like to keep them but - I don't want these secrets about having a crush on someone scare me to death. What if I die, and these secrets keep sticking in mine? I want to share these things - who doesn't? - I mean, if someday I die and I am sure I will die - soon, at least somebody had known these. My secrets, my random thoughts, my feelings and if they want - they can tell my secrets to someone, whose always there as a main actor in my secrets.
Okay, so back to someone-whom-I-have-a-crush-on. I wouldn't have known his name if my friend wouldn't have told me. I keep remembering. That was Thursday. I was having final tests. Me and my friends were sitting in the corridor while he came. Him, tote a red bag with superman's logo on his back. He walked away. Passed us. I looked at him. I looked at his back, I said something that I couldn't remember clearly and my friend whom sat beside me said, "Namanya Kak Irfan. Dia alumni SMP 11, tau," I shocked. I turned my body and I faced her. I gave her an I-really-want-to-fucking-know-him-as-best's face. She talked to me. She said he was kind and he was funny. I was happy. I finally knew his name! I was happy!
***
My friend said, she often replied each other's tweets with him. I was under control and said, almost scream, "Dia punya twitter? Apa namanya?" Then she said that she was forgot. She told me that I can find his twitter's profile on her followers. I was at home. I turned up my computer, connected the modem and I started browsing. I stalked my friend's followers to find my crush's twitter's name. And I found his profile. So I stalked his twitter's profile.
And these're what I've got:
- He likes JKT 48
- He hates cockroaches
- He likes anime, manga and Japanese's stuffs
Stalked his profile became a daily routine for me. I stalked his profile. Once, I tweeted something about him and I forgot what were they (hahaha) and my friend mentioned his name. Screwed me! I looked so freaking desperate. I was sweating. My heart was beating so fucking fast. My hands suddenly being cold. I was mad and by that time, I realized, why should I getting mad? I mean, I'm having a crush on him. Why should I? Is there any reason? Yeah, should I getting mad? No.
He replied my tweets. I didn't even have a brave to look at my tab mention. This was awkward.
After months, when I stalked his profile again, I was knowing that he already had a girlfriend. A girl with middle-east's face. I was speechless. Okay, there is no more stalky stalker. It was enough. And after weeks, when I stalked his profile (again), they broke up. I shocked.
So I decided to not became a stalky stalker. I would always stalked his profile, of course :p but I wouldn't make it as a daily routine for me. Oh, I made a blog post about him too. That post was talking about poems. Yes, I made some poems for him.
Months are passed. I still write a lot. I write about him too. But mostly on Twitter. And my friend keep teasing on me. Frontal attitudes, yeah, it's normal. I mean, when you had a crush on someone and you sharing with your friend, I am pretty sure that she/he couldn't take it to teasing us. And so did she.
Whenever I walked with my friends and we met him, there was always one person who keep teasing me. They greeted him, "Kak Irfan, dapet salam dari Dwi Ayu" you can predict how red my face was. Poker face at the moment. Don't know what to do. And when he passed us away and make sure that he wouldn't able to see us again, I yelled, almost scream, "OMG, ada kak Irfaaaaaaaaaaan!" I yelled that. It sucks.
It happened more than once. Even more than twice. My friend told me this. "Lan tadi gue ketemu kak Irfan, trus gue bilang, 'kak dapet salam dari Dwi Ayu' trus kak Irfan bilang 'salam balik dah'."
WHAT IF YOUR CRUSH SAID THIS TO YOUR FRIENDS, AND YOUR FRIENDS TOLD YOU. INDIRECTLY, YOUR CRUSH SAID "HI" TO YOU. Oh my God.
By that time, I felt that I was the luckiest girl, ever.
***
I keep tweeting about him. Without mention his twitter's profile, of course. And my life was easy 2 days ago. Until...,
My friend - like usual, mentioned his twitter's profile. She kept telling him that I liked him. Okay, that's the truth. I'm not a hypocrite. She also gave him a link address which would bring him to my blog post about him. A post with poems about him. For Heaven's sake, I felt soooooo damn ashamed. That heart attacked was back.
I kept praying. God, please, don't make him feel bad after seeing my blog post. God, please, I don't need his criticism. I need something good from his mouth. God, please...
God finally had answered my prays.
He tweeted something. Yeah, something that successfully made me smile all day long. Even until now, I keep smiling when I remember about yesterday.
Thank you, Kak. I feel so blessed because I have known you, as a crush, and as a stranger :)
***
Hey, I am the future writer. I'm not dating you. But I write about you.
What is that mean?
***
nb: @benzbara_ isn't his twitter account's name. His name is started with "I".
I?
I for...
I like you?
***
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