Fall Over Again

Today, 05:19 pm.

I received your email. I was happy. But I didn't think you wanted to keep the conversation going. Your reply was too short. And honestly, I didn't want to end the conversation right away. So I kept replying. Though I knew you wouldn't reply it right away. I knew. I knew. I just don't wanna it to end.

***

"Can't believe we met like this

Is it just coincidence?

I had a feeling I'll be seeing you again."

***

Sunday, February 23, 10:58 am.

I received your first email. Don't ask me how was the euphoria. I felt so happy I could die smiling.

***

"How I wish that I could tell you

It's all in the past

That I was never good at lying."

***

 I was just trying to be honest though.

***

"I don't wanna hear that song again

From the night we first met

I don't wanna hear you whispering

Things I'd rather forget 

I don't wanna look into your eyes

Coz you know what happens next.

We'll be making love and thenI'll fall all over again." 

***

I've been falling too much. Too often. I've been hurt too much. Too often. But why would I  keep wanted to falling?

***

"I think I know the feeling

Coz I once loved you so much

And I swore I'd rather die or

Live a day without your touch."

***

"I don't wanna hear that song again

From the night we first met

I don't wanna hear you whispering

Things I'd rather forget  

I don't wanna look into your eyes 

Coz you know what happens next.  

We'll be making love and then 

I'll fall all over again." 

***

Thank you for making believe in believe again. Thank you for being my inspiration at midnight. Thank you for replying my emails. Thank you for being there--when I have nothing to rely on. Thank you for being considerate about my selfishness. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Please knowing that I am falling in love. *Both* *with you* *and* with every letters on your emails. Write more. Type more. Please. I want to find my self falling in love over and over again.

***

Now playing: Dan Hill - I Fall Over Again

***

Siklus

"In the tremendous sea of faces, we met, gathered then separated."

This is exactly what I feel right now. We're in the same sky, the same earth, the same country, the same land, and one question keeps remaining; why we should get separated?

*** 

Beberapa hari yang lalu saya mengadu kalau saya sedang *ehem* patah hati

Saya bilang kayak ada yang ngganjel. Nyesek. Sakit

Tapi belakangan, beban itu hilang

Saya udah nemu solusinya

Solusinya cuma satu

Merelakan.

Udah, itu aja.

***

Kayak ada yang ngganjel

Nggak paham deh itu apa

Tapi kayaknya sih bakal lama

Soalnya sakit

Banget

Kalau diibaratkan sih, kayak asupan oksigen
di dunia itu terbatas dan
saya harus ngirit supaya bisa
bertahan hidup

Berhasil sih

Tapi nyesek

Ngganjel

Sakit


Ada yang tau obatnya, atau mungkin....solusinya?

***

A friend once told me
if he's gone, he's
not the best
if he's gone, he
doesn't worth to be
loved

Well, I said,
if he's gone,
he will be right
back
if he's gone,
he only needs time
to think;
what mistake he has
done in the past
by liking me

***

A Pathepic Love Story

I once had a love story.

This story was Pathepic. Pathetic and in the same time, it was epic too.

I'll tell you what, my super-ego won. It did the right thing.

"Super-ego--which causes you to feel guilty when you have done something wrong."

I don't know. I might have done something wrong to him--I pushed him too much. I confused him--because now, I feel guilty as fuck.

Maybe.

I don't blame anybody, or anything. Because this story involves nothing. 

A friend once said, "Something instant doesn't make you satisfied. It will hurt you soon. No matter what."

Source: http://theawkwardyeti.com/index.php/tag/foolish-heart/

Am I embarrassing myself too much? Well, if I am, I don't mind. This is love. What do you expect? That broken heart phase is the risk you should take.

Even a Bear can feel that. The power of love always wins.

I really don't know what I was going through lately. Some messages and that is all. My world seemed like falling apart like a meteor crush.

Maybe later. Good things always come for those who wait, right? I have a faith. And I have to wait. It may take forever but I don't care. I once (thought that I) loved you and that's right. I'm okay. And I'll always be okay. Even though it's finally done, forever.

***

Do you know why I called this a Pathepic love story?

It's pathetic. Because it was really pathetic in the beginning. Have you ever felt like you're not worthy for someone so you just step out back from his/her life slowly? Have you? Nah, that's pathetic.

The epic part was, when you're like about to step back, that someone pulled you back. That someone pulled you back to his/her arms. You were back to his/her world. You suddenly felt guilty. You felt like, "Shit. What should I do?" but you at last did nothing and started to feel more comfortable near him/her than before.

It's pathepic because it really is. The combination of two emotions. Two feelings. Two persons. One love whose story needs to be remembered, not to be told.

***

It's pathetic because in the end, we ain't together. It's pathetic because you suddenly changed your mind before I could say yes. It's pathetic because I cried so hard whenever I thought about this. It's pathetic because I didn't have much time to tell you what's my true feeling back then.

It's epic because I felt new. It's epic because you made me feel like I'm worthy for someone like you. It's epic because our story is unforgettable. It's epic because at least I knew you. It's epic because we've made some stories I could write here. It's epic because I've loved you, and knowing that you liked (or even loved) me too.

*** 

Iya, saya terperosok ke dalam lubang dan saya nggak bisa keluar.

Instead of looking for a long rope, I tweeted (and waited) (for you to reply my tweet)

***

ps: Still haven't found the rope and yet my hair is not as long as Rapunzel in Tangled.