Great Expectations; page 30
Dear someone whose name has a letter Z in it,
I should have understood if I can’t love someone like this.
Secretly, with no sounds, no codes,
I should have known the consequence I may take is I can get hurt, over and over again.
It doesn’t happen once. It has happened more than once.
And I don’t learn from mistakes.
I keep doing this—loving someone secretly.
I’m not bored. In facts, I’m happy.
Because I can watch him from distances and write about him
and nobody knows.
Plenty of people know, but at least, he doesn’t know.
Maybe.
And I wish he didn’t know though.
He had a crush already. And I knew that.
Fuck me. I knew that from earlier, then why did I keep doing
this? For God’s sake, I don’t want to ruin your relationship at all!
I’m sorry.
Really.
I admire someone too easily, you know.
If you didn’t give me any attentions, I wouldn’t have loved
you like this.
No, I don’t blame you. The one who needs to be blamed here is
me.
Too many tears I have shed, and I don’t want ended up like those
who feel their lives will be destroyed when they lost someone who they admire.
And I promise I won’t cry.
Because Charles Dickens taught me; I won't cry when I don't want to.
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