I Just Finished You

The end of the chapter of Saman, Ayu Utami

It almost enters April.

And I haven't read any fiction book. Literally. Because I've been busy (lol, seriously).

But, yes, it's true. I haven't.

But I have read you. I have finished you.

And I am quite happy.

Because after longing for the answer of the riddle in you, I finally found it.

And no doubt, of course, that I am quite sad too. Simply because, me, you; end.

I can't find surprises in you anymore. I can't find the pleasure of touching you, sniffing you, wondering you, guessing your end, I just can't.

***

Middle of 2013.

Hi, my name is Wulan and you can mind my name by calling me nobody or whatever.

I love reading. Especially those books that make me being a desperate bitch for days, or maybe weeks, and those books that left hundred of dead butterflies in my stomach.

Ugh, I can't resist good books.

I was on my way of finding good books. And I found this book. Well, I had no idea what genre this book was but that was okay. This book might be interesting as well.

--

See? I was right! This book was undeniably good! Even awesome! I found myself laughed. I found myself happy when I turned the next page.

See you guys later! I need more time to spend with this book. Alone. Just the two of us. Ehe.

--

I love this book. Well-written, well-packaged, well-everything.

Enough said.

--

Months passed. 

And I can't find my book.

Where are you?

--

Um, hello..

Well, this is awkward...

But...

Why are you gone?

Please, come back. Let my fingers explore you. Let my nose sniff you.

Please..?

--

***

Middle of 2014.

It seems that I have no chance anymore.

I lost my good book. I can't even..

--

I've been looking information about you, my book. And I found some. Yet, I am still in doubt that you wouldn't mind if I *cough* stalk you.

Is that okay with you, book?

--

***

Early March, 2015.

Finally, finally, finally. I've got a chance to explore you again. To read you. To finish you. To find surprises in you.

Knowing that you are okay and do things well makes me happy.

Thank you for believing in me.

***

Fast forward to now, 3 weeks after.

Now it's time.

To close you.

To (supposedly) be satisfied because the riddle in you has been solved. 

But I cannot be satisfied *that* easily, you know.

I haven't had enough time to explore you. To sniff you. To mark every lovely word in you using my marker.

But well, you already said those ultimate words.

So, yeah, I better do what you said.

Because, you are the best book I've ever read (and sniffed) so far. And I, of course, cannot refuse your command.

You are my closed book now. Because I past-participle you.

***

But seriously, it's rare for me to find a book with "Finish"/ "End"/ "Selesai" written at the end of the chapter.

So I simply assume that the story wasn't really end that way.

Sometimes the story still creeps on us, haunts us, makes us wonder.

And even though you said those ultimate words, I neither found the word "Finish" nor "End" nor "Selesai". Well it might only me who was being a baper bitch.

So..

Is there still hope...?

You know, the story, can it be continued?

Well, if it can't, that's okay.

I can still reread you though.

And who knows I could find another object in you which I missed months ago.

And once again, or twice, or third, being grateful because The Lord has been letting me explored you back then.

I knew I was a lucky bitch. And I still am. Because I've ever had you.

***

The Yellow Birds, Kevin Powers.